i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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