Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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