I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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