i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
