you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
