I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
