I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
