Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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