This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's get the cat blown out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
