Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
