do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is my gift to your gina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
