Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
