i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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