That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
