just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
