She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
