If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize