If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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