I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
