Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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