did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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