Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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