did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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