A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize