It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
