i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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