Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
