so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
