I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize