i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This house was built for laser tag.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
