K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
