then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
