Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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