every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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