Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
