No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
