You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can you bring me the toilet please
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
