just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize