I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
