remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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