if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
