Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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