saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
