she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
