i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
