Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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