I bet he comes in French.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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