I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize