How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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