Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
