fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
