Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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