quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize