Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
