im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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