i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
