Life is so much better after having sex.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
