First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
